The World is Quiet Here

Really Really Fun!

2012-02-02T19:27:00.000-08:00

I promise I will post real blogs again, someday

CHECK OUT EPIC BEARD DUDE!

2012-01-31T11:24:00.000-08:00

Because it is stuck in my head and if I have to suffer, you have to suffer:

Fuck you, Dogkiller

2012-01-30T10:57:00.000-08:00

Take your superior smug fucking attitude and shove it up your ass. And have fun voting for Newt Gingrich, you xenophobic cuntface

vlog

2012-01-27T11:59:00.001-08:00

Looking at that now, I think it is mirrored for y'all

Balls to the Wall

2012-01-25T09:17:00.001-08:00

I don't know what to do with myself

2012-01-24T10:22:00.000-08:00

I have been working balls to the wall for the last couple of weeks and now I've finished all my projects and I'm just waiting for the new ones to roll in. I'm all paranoid that I should be doing something and there's nothing for me to do. I mean, I can always find work, but there is nothing due today. Which is a ginormous change from the last six days; I've been staring down the barrel of a loaded deadline everyday for the past week and a half and now, nothing.

Bella Voce rehearsal started up last night. Or, at least - I think it did. I don't know. I was on the phone with William, aka: Bane of My Existance, for a good 45 minutes (cumulatively). 45 minutes out of a two hour rehearsal is a ridiculous precentage to be wasting. I talk a LOT of smack about Will - I like the guy, he's just getting on my last dick nerve. I got off the phone with him at 9 fucking o'clock lat night, as I was driving home from the Eldo. I went over to say hi, I miss my Eldo peeps sometimes. SOMETIMES. I miss the peeps, NOT the job. The job can suck my dick. (Apparently, not only am I a horse this week, I'm male. Great, now I'm thinking about horse penis)

Norwegian Wedding song?

2012-01-23T19:39:00.000-08:00

Blogging from work

2012-01-20T15:06:00.000-08:00

This is the second meeting I've had with William today. Someone murder me. Don't get me wrong, I like Will. I like working with him. But sometimes I want to break all his fingers. Or throw him off a building. Or hit him with my car.

He's so frakking OCD. Everything has to be so damn perfect and it all just takes so damn long. It's annoying. To give him credit, he gets great results. It's just aggrivating.

One week and one day

2012-01-19T08:54:00.000-08:00

Until babyroomapolooza! w00t! IKEA! IKEA! IKEA! Super stoked!

I should say, one week and one day until babyroomapolooza IF Gary is still alive at that time. He's sick. I mean like really sick. I've never seen him this sick before, hell - I've never seen him run a fever before and that man is burning up. Poor thing.

And I can't stay home to take care of him because I am so frakking swamped at work I can't see the other side of the swamp. I'm basically Artax. But keep in mind, Artax comes back at the end, so there's hope for me yet. Except for the awkward fact that apparently I've turned into a horse. . .

I will not watch Battlestar Galactica today until. . .

2012-01-16T12:34:00.000-08:00

The laundry is 75% done;
The kitchen is clean;
The master bathroom is clean;
The back of my car is empty;
My music is in a designated bag;
The couch is vacuumed; and
The pork roast is in the crock pot.

So say we all.

I'm in a much better mood

2012-01-15T14:52:00.000-08:00

Thank God. I was getting annoyed with myself. I had a wonderful night on Friday night, Gary and I went out with a bunch of his co-workers. We drank, we laughed, we made fun of people. It was great. I really needed it. I had been in such a crap mood for like two weeks, I was pretty much annoyed with everyone and everything. But a good night out and I am so much better now.

Saturday was good, too. I went to the first rehearsal for the Verdi Requiem, we did a sing-through and it was beautiful. As my ridiculous post yesterday indicated, I FRAKKING LOVE the Verdi Requiem. It's is the best best best piece of music ever. Ever. At the moment. Today :-)

After that, I got a new tyre for my poor car. The "tyre" that was on there before was so bad that wires were sticking through and it was completely unsafe to drive on. Plus it made the car handle like shit. So now I have a car again, instead of a radio flyer :-)

And then we watched the Niners/Saints game with my friends Ian and Nikki. That was an exciting little football game! Abs was not a big fan of the huge loud bar scene, but she did like the big TV wall - she was a happy baby. And she got everyone to hold her, so that made her happy too. Spoiled little brat, looooooves the attention that one. She was so cute.

We went to Sheels afterwards and goofed off. All in all, it was a good day.

Vocal porn

2012-01-14T13:00:00.000-08:00

Oh, Verdi Requiem, I love you so. You are sexypoo. You are beautiful and talented. Challenging and intelligent. So much more than the sum of your parts. You are full of hockets and pedal-tones. Sequences and fugues. You are a masterpiece of compositional beauty. I love you. You are like opera without all the hard work. Like sex without all the sweaty parts. Like champagne without the hangover. I weep tears of joy to lend my voice to your magnificence. I love you. I will always love you.

What is it. . .

2012-01-09T12:37:00.000-08:00

Annoying motherfucker day? Did I miss a memo? Saphyre and Ed have their heads firmly up their asses over TBF. My co-worker wants to know "are you ok, today" and is totally uncomfortable with my response of "Yeah, I'm fine" and has not stopped talking since we got back to the office.

The fuck? I was having a pretty darn good day

Is Cheif Edward Palidin1?

2012-01-07T20:24:00.000-08:00

cause imma cut him.

The following will occur tomorrow this weekend

2012-01-06T20:38:00.000-08:00

Or someone (me) will be in trouble, because someone else (also me) will be angry:

• Tree must come down
• Outdoor lights must come down
• Both dogs will be bathed
• Upstairs and stairs will be vacuumed
• Two photos will be hung on the stairway wall
• Must take a photo of Abigail
• Must boil Abby's bottles
• Must number measures in my Verdi Score (my fucking score is lame: not only are there no measure numbers, the top line is English. What the fuckballs?)

I also want to spend about seventyfour hours pinning gaily away on Pinterest :-)

Busy day. . .

Confession

2012-01-04T21:57:00.001-08:00

I sing "Soft Kitty" to Abby

My life is awesome. Just so you know

2012-01-03T07:58:00.000-08:00

8:48 - Well, maybe just my day is awesome. So far, I have woken up at 7:20; fed, changed and put Abby back to bed; and Gary drove me to work. Yay! Gary and I have never been in jobs where we both worked 9-5. One of us has always gotten up to go to work while the other stayed abed. Well, for at least the next three weeks, we are both working banker's hours. So, at the expense of my riding my bike to work, I get to have Gary drive me! This is just about the most exciting thing I have ever heard in my life. Ever.

11:50 - And then I fell over. It was super lame. We were returning from our meeting and our building has those weird rubber airport jetway thingies from when they connected three buildings. Well, I turned around to make a really inappropriate and snarky comment about something our whole division has been snarking about all morning (cause we can and we're super mature like that) and go figure, my heel went into the rubber thingy and down I went. It was awesomeness, hands all thrown up in the air, notebook and pen flying, seriously melodramatic stuff here, folks. And it was in slow-mo, too: I was all, 'Damn it, I'm going down. And it's going to hurt. Fuck.'
And it was teh awesome.

13:24 - Crap, now I'm working on project fuck me up the ass again. blarrrrr!

14:33 - DANG IT!!! I hate when there is juicy gossip and no one can tell me because of all employment laws and confidentiality and shit! Boo! What the hell do thy think we are? A law office! I needs me some dirty laundry! *pout!*

14:54 - mmmmm, Mac&Cheese!

15:08 - mmmmm, Weetabix!

16:27 - I'M CONFUSED!!!

17:27 - I'm outta here!

22:07 - another awesome thing about my awesome day that I forgot because I was so busy being awesome -- since Gary was not asleep in bed when I got out I the bathroom this morning, I made the bed! How awesome is that!?!?!!!'
Also, we accidentally tripped and put BSG in the DVD player, donno how that's happened. Oops!
AND (last one, I promise) we are going to bed at 22:09. We rox0r!

Thing that I need that I am not going to stop bitching about until I get:

2012-01-02T13:25:00.001-08:00

A baby STUFF organiser for downstairs. Abs' junk is everywhere! Diapers all willie-nillie, wipes all not in the same spot, diaper genie refills all nimbly-bimbly. I hates it.

2011 End of Year Survey, now with questions 12 and 13!

2012-01-01T13:10:00.001-08:00

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
Had a Baby, Whoa!

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I got one out of three!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Me and about 93 other women I know. Holy crap, what did they put in the water?

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, thank goodness

5. What countries did you visit?
Exciting, exotic Sacramento!

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
I have no idea? I am so brain dead, I can't even think that far.

7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
June 12

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I didn't accidentally smother my child, that's quite a feat for me!

9. What was your biggest failure?
I didn't really have any this year, unless you count the ongoing battle to get out of debt.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Sorta, I got sick a couple of times.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Diaper Genie. Holy Shit!

12. Were you satisfied by your sex life?
You betcha!

13. Did you read enough books?
Sorta, I finished about seven and started a Biography of Abigail Adams.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Debt

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Little things, like Bath Bombs from Lush and recognising Eric Whitacre's music in the new Pirates film

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?
Soft Kitty from Big Bang Theory.

Compared to this time last year, are you:

17. Thinner or fatter?
Thinner

18. Richer or poorer?
Less fucked, that's for sure

19. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Er. . . .

20. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Can't think of anything

21. How did you spend Christmas?
Made yummy yummy breakfast, opened presents, fucked around, made yummy yummy dinner, passed out into food coma.

22. Did you fall in love in 2011?
Every day

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Hmmm. . . major toss up here - I discovered The Sing Off, Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I try not to hate, LOATHE is a better word

26. What was the best book you read?
Ich don't know, Candide?

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
bluuuuuuuh. . .?

28. What did you want and get?
Nope, I'm spoiled that way

29. What did you want and not get?
Out of Debt <--- This seems to be ongoing

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
The Adjustment Bureau

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 28 and I don't remember.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A second Diaper Genie?

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Whatever

34. What kept you sane?
Very little

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I do loves me some Neil Patrick Harris

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The Arab Spring, pretty cool

37. Who did you miss?
???

38. Who was the best new person you met?
I really don't think I've met any cool new people?

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011:
The No Plan Plan is the way to go

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes

2011 Movie Reviews

2012-01-01T13:07:00.000-08:00

The Green Hornet - I un-ashamedly, un-apologeticlly and un-abashedly have a crush on Seth Rogen.

The Adjustment Bureau - This has to be my favorite movie of the year. I absolutely loved it. I loved Matt Damon, I am in love with Emily Blunt. Terrance Stamp and whasisface from Mad Men were both lovely. I loved the feel of this film, the was the City was shot. I jumped when I was supposed to jump, I wept when I was supposed to weep. I just loved everything about this film. And ten points to me for calling Randy Newman’s score. LOVE! Love with a pretty orange bow on top! :-)

Paul - That was a seriously long ass time between movies! Holy Poop! Gary and I loved this movie, it was geek heaven. It was a perfect blend of British humor and geek humor. I loved it! I loved the quotes from awesome movies that we all love. I must own this on DVD. And, see above.

Sucker Punch - We HATED this movie, and when I say “we” I don’t just mean me and Gary, I mean me, Gary, my little sister, Gary’s Mom, your mom. This movie was terrible. It was pretty to look at, most of the fight scenes were fun, but the ending was fucking stupid and made me hate this film.

Hanna - My little sister and I went to this movie randomly one evening, it was pretty darn good, except there were these two asshole dressed as Hipsters who simply didn’t get it. They were confused the whole time and were not ashamed to say it out loud. Maybe it’s just me, but I have never been confused by a movie in my life. Maybe I am just well educated? I have seen movies that I thought were dumb, I have seen movies that I hated, I have seen movies that were poorly executed, but I have never been baffled by what the film was trying to say. I get it. Who doesn’t get it? It’s not rocket surgery here, folks. It’s a movie. What’s not to get? As to the film itself, it was very good, I loves me some Eric Bana and Olivia Williams. I liked the bleak, grey winter feel.

Your Highness - I was extremely disappointed in this film. Everyone was all like, “OMG! It’s so vulgar!” Was not.

Thor - HOTNESS!!! OMG! Did you see those arms!?!?! Nom nom nom! And no one told me Hawkeye was in this movie - YAYs!

Pirates of the Carebbean: On Stranger Tides - Something went very wrong here. Can’t quite put my finger on what it was, but something just really did not work. I did very much enjoy Eric Whitacre’s contribution to the score, however. I am such a nerd.

Kung Fu Panda - I am always leery of un-necessary sequels, but this did not suck at all. In fact, it was quite cute and lived up to the awesomeness of the original.

X-Men: First Class - Holy crap, I loved this movie! The end.

The Green Lantern - Entertaining enough, nothing memorable. Can’t really reiterate the plot or tell you what was good about it. It was just summer popcorn flavored and that is OK. Plus, 1st drive in movie of the season! Yays!

Super 8 - I had no idea what this movie was about, I hadn’t heard any reviews for it, I didn’t know any one who had seen it. So I really went in blind and I have to say I loved the shit out of this movie. So did Gary. It was really well written, the characters were great, the story was interesting. It was a suspenseful, edge of your seat movie and I really truly loved it.

Transformers : Dark of the Moon - Major nedry points for Leonard Nemoy and “The Good of the Many” quote. Killed me. And my family. But no one else in the theatre got it. I felt smug and superior. Also, this was Abby’s first movie theatre experience; she LOVED it. She’s a big ole movie geek anyway. She just sat there and watched and didn’t make a fuss or have a fit. Also, I think there were some explosions. . .? Another movie I couldn’t tell you the plot for to save my life. Also, what was with the bitchy looking model? Why was she even there?

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows : Part 2 - Oh. My. Fucking. God! It’s really depressing to think that I have invested 10 years of my life to this movie franchise (even more than that to the books) and that I will never see another Harry Potter in the cinemas ever again. That makes me want to throw myself, melodramatically, off a very tall building. On my list of “Things I wish I could experience again for the first time,” Harry Potter is number one. (Ok, I can’t really say that there is ANYthing else on that list, but what the hey.) As to the film itself, the best word I can think of to describe it would be beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. And, holy fuckballs, I cried like a baby (you know when), “You have your mother’s eyes!” GAH!

Captain America : The First Avenger - I liked this film. (SRSLY, that’s all I got)

Sherlock Holmes : Game of Shadows - Was quite fun, got me some Opera Nerdiness in there. I totally called the ending the second I saw the waterfall.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - I am one of two people I know who couldn’t fucking STAND this book. It was lame, it was boring and I just didn’t. fucking. care. I cannot for the life of me understand why the whole world is enamored of a sociopath? Anyone care to explain? I just don’t get it. I went to see this film because I wanted it to suck. And for the first. . .meh? Twenty minutes? Twenty minutes or so I was thinking, ‘Yes, just like the books, Ich don’t care.’ Then, much to my chagrin, it got really good! I was shocked and astonished; despite my knowing the plot and the twists and the story ahead of time, I was engaged and I was genuinely quite interested and enjoyed the fuck out of it. How weird is that? Except for the pseudo-James Bond stupid opening credits (which I have to confess, were so fucking gay I wanted to walk out of the theatre), I give this movie a 9. Color me surprised.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2012-01-01T00:20:00.001-08:00

Yay!

DOG KILLER!

2011-12-30T13:38:00.000-08:00

Dog killer Dog killer Dog killer Dog killer Dog killer! DogkillerdogkillerDogkiller! DOgkilleRdoGkilleR! I hate your face!

New Years' Resolutions

2011-12-28T14:03:00.000-08:00

So, last year I said I needed to buy a safe for important documents, I needed to send a fuck ton of money to my HOA and I wanted to change the carpet upstairs. Well, I paid the HOA what I owed them, but I still need to do the other two.

My New Years' Resolutions for this year are simple and few:

Pay off hospital bills - I have four, one of which will be paid off on February 3rd and the others will be done soon afterwards; my Uncle Sam is going to give me a butt-load of money he's been holding for me interest-free.

Pay off some credit cards - I have three. One of which will also be paid off in February. Yay!

NOT TAKE ANY DIRECT DEPOSIT ADVANCES! This is not cool. None, niet, niente. Nuh-uh. Not cool.

Do P90X.

I also need to fix Abs' birth certificate.

I need to set up an automatic transfer that moves $40 per paycheck to a savings account.

The end.

I liked my no-plan plan year. It was super cool.

The Great Weekend Debate:

2011-12-27T09:26:00.000-08:00

Get all kinds of mandatory household chores done and feel good about myself and life in general?

Oooooooor. . .

Sit around on my ass all day reading books, playing video games, watching tv and feeling good about myself and life in general?

Decisions. Decisions.

UPDATE: DAMN STUPID DOMESTIC GODDESSITUDE! I just ate like four pancakes, I am so fucking full I can't breathe. OK, that's because my nose is stuffy and not the pancakes at all, BUT THAT IS NOT THE POINT.
On the plus side, after several weeks of experiments I have perfected the art of the chocolate chip pancake - pour the batter onto the griddle and let it start to cook. Once you see the beginnings of bubbles, sprinkle a conservative amount of chocolate chips on the raw batter (I say conservative because I used Hershey's Special Dark Chocolate Chips and those bitches are RICH!). Flip when ready and cook the other side until the pancake is done. Voilà! Perfect. And deadly. DO NOT EAT MORE THAN ONE AND A HALF! YOU WILL DIE!

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T10:30:00.001-08:00

Christmas Eve To-Do List

2011-12-24T09:35:00.000-08:00

Doing all this while charging the camera battery:

Stop by the butcher, ~~pick up a joint of beef.~~

Go to Target, ~~pick up baby stuff~~ (this baby is so demanding, wanting food and shit. What the hell?).

Go to PetCo, pick up cat stuff (these cats are so demanding, wanting food and shit. What the hell?).

Go to grocery store, ~~pick up frozen peaches, sour cream, Jimmy Dean Sausage, Red Potatoes, Rosemary, ????.~~

Go to Joann Fabric, ~~pick up a zipper and red lining.~~

Come home, ~~make a dress for CP's kid, wrap CP's Christmas presents,~~ iron Ab's christmas dress, set up Christmas photo shoot in foyer, take Christmas photos.

Other shit as I think of it.
(Yes, I do realise I switch from emphasising the nouns to emphasising the verbs.)

None of which can happen until the laundry is out of the dryer, because I washed all my bras last night. Well, that's not 100% true, I can work on the dress and shit. I'll do that. You know what sucks about Christmas? The pressure of buying your loved one a gift. I can deal with the superfluous shit, dinner, buying/making/wrapping presents, decorations. All that is easy. It's the picking out a gift for Gary that kills me, last night I was all like I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD AND I NEED TO FIND A TANGIBLE GIFT THAT EXPRESSES ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU THAT ALSO SHOWS THAT I AM A GOOD GIFT GIVER AND THAT I KNOW WHAT YOU LIKE AND THAT I DON'T ROYALLY SUCK AT CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 Except I royally suck at Christmas and that shit is hard and I can't deal with this pressure!! *sobsobsob*

UPDATE: But instead of doing any of that, I have been fucking around on Pinterest. Fucking crack website

UPDATE UPDATE: I sent Gary out for the joint and the groceries while I went to Target. I forgot to charge the camera battery, though.

All I want for Christmas

2011-12-22T11:49:00.001-08:00

Is my car detailed

2011 Movies

2011-12-21T09:14:00.000-08:00

Have sucked balls. I haven't seen a movie since Captain America. How lame is that? Now come Christmas and I have to see
Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy
Sherlock Holmes
Mission Impossible
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
The Iron Lady

Five movies? Really? To finish out the year? That blows. Oh, yeah - and that Twilight thing, I think it will be safe to go to that in January. It's sad when I'm more excited to MST3000 a movie than I am to actually watch one.
So, our traditional Christmas Double Feature might achieve the impossible and simultaneously suck and blow.

Domestic Goddess

2011-12-20T08:35:00.000-08:00

I have been so domestic recently! Weekends of late, I've been getting up first, taking care of the doggies, baking some type of cake masquerading as breakfast food and cleaning house. It's because of Pinterest, I'm telling you - that website is evil! I loves it. I mention it because we had a division graze day and I baked rolls, a corn casserole and a crock pot cake.

Anyway, I have to:
Finish making wreaths
Make a dress for CP's daughter
Find a pattern for Christmas stockings
Make a suicide run to the mall on Friday

And that's it. Yay!

But right now, I have to go take a nap in the lounge - I've been up since six and I've had way too much junky food. My energy is in the toilet. Nap time

UPDATE: I did not get my nap, not for lack of trying - it was butt-ass cold in the lounge. It just wasn't working. Now I have a headache and I feel nauseated. Blarrrrrrr.

Please disregard my last post

2011-12-17T13:28:00.000-08:00

PMS

Brain Vomit

2011-12-15T11:46:00.000-08:00

I am so motherfucking grouchy today. And I have been for a while now, I donno why. Money troubles on my end, as per usual. I have it under control, but it still pisses me off. Fortunately for me, I have everyone’s Christmas presents purchased. (Except CP’s, she’ll probably happen on Sunday after I get $$$) I am just in such a state of BLLAAAAAAAAAAA! I blame the weather, the stress and the bad morale at work. I have been trying to stay positive, but it finally got to me. I’m going to take a mental health afternoon after Abs’ appointment to try to get my shit together. I am such a hot fucking mess right now. I think some time away from this stupid office will do me some good. I don’t know why I’m so panicky. I plan on going home, cleaning the fuck out of the house, doing laundry and re-fucking-laxing. We’re getting our tree today, Gary was going to go while I was at work, but now I figure I can go too! Yay!
Ugh, I hate feeling like this.

Anyway, all that bullshit aside, life is going pretty darn well. Every one is healthy and happy. I think the problem is a touch of depression, but I’m not going to put up with that crap at all. Sometimes I have time to be depressed, sometimes it’s even a wee bit fun to wallow in depression for a while, sometimes I’ll let myself. This is not one of those times. I don’t feel like being depressed right now. I’m just not in the mood. So, in the words of Al Swerengen, “I have to deal with that.” So myhouse needs to be cleaned, my laundry needs to be washed and put up, my dog needs a bath, my bedroom needs a vacuum, my couch needs to be cleaned, my bookcases need to be dusted, my floors need to be mopped. (Can you tell I’m having mental health issues? That list was not intended to be that specific)

Speaking of mental health issues, my Hula director had to put her family cat down on Tuesday. And that is sad, but everyone has to do it, right? I almost lost my shit (in fact, I’m about to lose my shit right now just thinking about it). I miss Satan Kitty so much! I don’t know why, but hearing about Buttons last night really really killed me. I’m a mess.

I can’t believe how long I’ve got with out blogging for this long. I can’t keep this shit in my head, it’s not good for me.

Anyway, I have actually had a really fantastic couple of weeks – San Francisco was teh awesome. My shoes went fucking CRAZY and tried to kill me and we weren’t in a position to do anything about it (we were at the Warf of all places. Really? Fisherman’s Warf? I haven’t been there for a bazillion years) for a couple of hours. So Jena gave me one of her hard-core pain killers and O LORD IN HEAVEN that was fun! Everything was just so happy! The extra funny part was Erin wanted to go to the Maritime Museum and visit the Balclutha which is a three-masted full-rigged ship. So me. Stoned. On a Ship. Oh yes. It was so frickin amazing I can’t even begin to tell you. Anyway, eventually I did have to buy new shoes and I got these bitchin teal Sketchers and I loves them. I loves them with all my <3. linky I of course, do not actually run in them. I ride my bike in them. Does that count? I do loves them, I would run in them, if I were to run. But I don’t. Anyway, after we got home from SF, my sister turned into a giant snatch and I don’t believe I’m obligated to put up with that shit so.. . I didn’t. Thanksgiving was quite lovely, Gary bought a fresh, not frozen, turkey and it was just about the tastiest thing I have ever ate. Holy carp, if you have the motive and opportunity to try a fresh turkey, DO IT! My birthday was also nice, I had to take my mom to the airport that day, so we had birthday breakfast. I had waffles. My mom had been in Leipzig, home of J.S. Bach (sorta) so she brought me a CD of the Thomanerchor! LOVE! Bach Bach Bach! (I am such a nerd)

Since then I have had the Bella Voce concerts (No solo for me, why? Donno) and some of the girls convinced me to go to the Santa Pub Crawl (dress up like Santa, get shitfaced). I texted my gay husband and asked if he was planning to crawl and fortunately for me, he was. Because the BV girls ditched me. Sorta. They were going to meet up my our mutual friends M&M. Well, I told M to call me when he was situated at a bar and I would join him, well, turns out the mobile network was so overloaded that it almost crashed, so M couldn't get in touch with me. I went down to the basement of the Eldo and hung out with Sara for a bit, her plan was to head over to the pneumatic diner (veg restaurant, so yumz) and hang with the cast of Peter Pan. So I had pie and waited for phone calls. Seriously, it was the BEST PIE EVER! I have had some good pie in my life, but this was truly and without-hyperbole the best pie I have ever had. I’m kind of drooling thing about it. Anyway, I get the call from Ian, “I’m at The Five!”
I’m all, what the hell is The “Five?”
“Erm. . . The Five Star?”
“Ok, I am so not down with the hip lingo.”
Seriously, I have never heard it called The Five before! It’s always been The Five Star, or That Gay Bar on West. I’m clearly not cool. So I Marched my happy (cold) ass over to West and got in line behind Snooky of Reno. She was obviously in the wrong place, she was here for some, and I quote: “Dick-sucking action.” Um. . . 1st EWWW! And second, gay bar? She was hysterical (well, she didn’t mean to be, but I and the lovely gentlemen she was hitting on thought she was a hoot.). The lovely Gentlemen had some Hot Damn and some Jack Daniel’s Honey Whiskey Liquor something something. I do not like Jack Daniels. I think it tastes like kakapoopy. THIS tasted like Christmas! It was the best thing EVER (not like the pie, this time I am being hyperbolic). It was so good! Holy Schneikies, if you get a chance, try it! So, I was feeling a lot warmer and we were getting so close to the front of the line! The lovely Gentlemen decided I was coming in with them and we all danced on in. I found my husband we stayed there until 2. If you ever need an ego boost, go to a gay bar. Gay men LOVE women. LOVE them. My hair is pretty, my boots are pretty, my shirt is pretty, my boobs are pretty, I’m pretty, my daughter who they've never met, seen or heard of before is pretty. Awwwww, I love gay boys. And I love bar tenders. Ours kept serving me this drink that was mostly Bailey’s Jameson and Half and Half. Nom Nom Nom! I’m not supposed to drink too much Bailey’s because it hangs me over something fierce, but it was damn worth it. I was noticing that there were a LOT of wayward straight people looking mighty uncomfortable, I think they just saw the queue and hopped on, not knowing what they were heading into. Anyway, 12:30 rolls around and I want to go home. Not to Kai’s house or Ian’s house. Home. So I called Gary. And he came and got me. At 2:00 in the morning. He’s so nice. I had to take my boots off to walk to my car, so when I got to the car, I threw my socks away. I’m not saying it made sense, it’s just what happened.

So, it was nice to go behave like a monkey for an evening. And I have a whole boat load of other social obligations coming up, as well Friday night I have a graduation/Halau Christmas party to go to Saturday a whole freaking boatload of us are going to see Peter Pan at the Eldo, Sunday there is a holiday open house at one of my co-workers. (it’s in Dayton, so I’m not sure if I want to go, but I like her, so I might). Monday I have my last Bella Voce concert at the Carmelite Monastery, after which there is a bitchin Eldo BBQ. Tuesday is our division’s Graze Day, and Wednesday is HHS’ Chili Day, which I am obligated to take part in due to geographic proximity.

Other than that, I need to wrap Gary and Abby’s presents, finish work presents, put some garland and bows over my front door, purchase and decorate the tree and it will be over (except for the Christmas day part).

Then it will be the New Year, in which I resolve not to take ANY direct Deposit Advances, ride my bike to work as often as responsibly possible, and to do P90X.

YAY!

I feel much better now, I don’t know if it was the bitch session or the prospect of an afternoon off. Either way, I feel better.

Where are they taking the hobbits?

2011-12-09T23:26:00.000-08:00

Oh yeah, I remember. I remember that I LOVE THESE MOVIES!! You loves them too.

So. . . Ummmmm. . .

2011-12-04T10:22:00.000-08:00

Whilst looking up a recipe for buttermilk pancakes, I might have become distracted and purchased Mothership and Rumours, instead. . .

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, 'Lorin! Why didn't you own Mothership and Rumours before now? What the hell?'

My response to you would be, "Erm. . . ? Shut up!"

2011-12-03T11:22:00.001-08:00

I am not, unfortunately, shitfaced. I just have this song stuck in my head.

Smoke does not mean fire

2011-11-30T09:32:00.000-08:00

It means our work microwave is possessed. What the hell? I put my muffin in for 1 minute and alla sudden there's smoke and stink and drama and I'm out one breakfast. I'm not happy. I don't see how anybody could be happy.

But, I have Milton's Corn Bread crackers (yumz) and teh interwebs to keep me occupied, so life is good.

Chocolate tea?

2011-11-28T13:09:00.000-08:00

The Republic of Tea makes a double dark chocolate maté. I can't go so far to say it tastes good, but I really really love it. It's. . . weird. I've had three cups today.

An that's my day so far: tea, meeting, tea, picked fight with whiney attorney, won, tea, now I'm off to a meeting with long-winded attorney. So I'll see y'all sometime next week.

But it'll be ok, I have chocolate tea.

Concert today

2011-11-27T15:45:00.000-08:00

Time for the first of three Bella Voce concerts. Yay. It's not my favorite concert ever, I'm looking forward to next year. Still waiting for ACDA packet.

I have a rant I wanted to post, but I'm not sure I care anymore; my family sucks, a lot, but they're out, so it's moot. They are fuckers. Teh end.

I have to address Seriface's question, but it's LONG, almost rant long, so. . . there.

Abs made out like a bandit in SF, Christmas is taken care of in the baby department. Then we're off to IKEA for her room.

We were supposed to go to Disney World with my whole family in February (I'm talking like mom, Mom's Dutch boyfriend, Mom's Dutch boyfriend's 18-year old daughter, my sisters, me, Gary and Abs). Fuck that shit. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! So instead of all that drama, in May, Gary and Abs and I are going to Prague. It's one of my favorite cities in the whole wide world and it's one of Gary's bucket list cities, so why not take advantage of a free room? YAY! We found airfare for $1300ish, so we need to pounce on that.

Also, Hazel turned me onto a website called Pinterest. OMG awesome! Hello, Christmas baking!

Anyway, gotta go

My birthday

2011-11-26T21:16:00.000-08:00

Has been teh awesome. Gary is making cookies. YayYa!

(I still haven't figured out a way to type that so it conveys the nerdiness involved. Also, Abby just turned off the tv with her toes)

I never respond to my comments

2011-11-25T22:42:00.000-08:00

Sorry. I'm a poo head.

There was going to be a whole bitch fest of a blog post here, but I can't be bothered because Abby won't go the fuck to sleep. So, I'll see you on the filp side

Happy Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T10:15:00.000-08:00

I fucking hate everyone.

Except you, I love you.

On the way to San Francisco

2011-11-21T18:05:00.000-08:00

I'm really glad my fucking older sister is with us. I have seriously never met a more obnoxious human being. Blarrrr.

Anyway, we're heading to SF. If I don't murder anybody, I'll see y'all in a couple of days

In the interest of full disclosure

2011-11-17T09:47:00.000-08:00

I think I am going to cry when I get home tonight. Not cause I'm sad or angry or upset, I'm stressed and tired and I have a headache. And I just feel it in the back of my throat, it's there, it's reay to come out. I'm hoping I last until I get home, cause crying at work sux0rs.

Also, there is a mountain lion on the loose in my neighborhood. Ima get et, that's just my luck this week. I'm going to be the poor asshole who gets et by a mountain lion.

Serious Food Crush

2011-11-14T12:31:00.001-08:00

On a chicken salad from the Mom & Pop's down the block (un-ironically named "Mom and Pop's"). Oh my god yummy!

Thank you

2011-11-11T12:30:00.000-08:00

2011-11-10T20:31:00.000-08:00

Speechless

2011-11-07T09:32:00.000-08:00

I literally could not speak for about two minutes, I was just blown way by the fucking stupidity I just heard. The best analogy I can think of to describe to you what just happened is something along the lines of "I need milk, I live in Wisconsin and I need milk. I think I will fly to Sydney to get some FUCKNG MILK BECAUSE I AM A GODDAMNED MORON!"

I hate everyone.

P.S. And I do mean literally in the actual sense and definition, ie., I spent two minutes making "Buh. . . Wha?. . . Buh. . . Wuh thuh fuh. . .?!?! Why!?!!!!1!" noises. Not in the modern "I just literally shot fire out my ass, Bro!" connotation.

Contrapuntal

2011-11-06T23:24:00.000-08:00

to yesterday, Gary and I were quite productive today. He shampooed the carpet where the dog was sick and I shampooed the aforementioned dog. I'm not sure who got the shittier end of the stick as were were both in fact cleaning up shit - he off the floor and I off the dog's ass. You really haven't lived your life until you spend a Sunday evening releaving a dog of a dag the size of your own fist. (Dag here being an Australian slang for sheep dingleberry; dingleberry in turn being American slang for shit stuck to one's ass-hair, regardless of species.)

I have learned two very valuable lessons today 1st being that my bathing suit is now too big and 2nd being if you own a Sheltie you ~~are an idiot~~ need to trim his hair every weekend or suffer the consequences.

Just so you know

2011-11-05T20:53:00.001-07:00

Gary and I have successfully accomplished fuck all today.

And it was teh awesome!

2011-11-05T12:40:00.000-07:00

Yes I just watched all of this, and it was AWESOME!!

I HAVE TO FINISH THESE SMALL CLAIMS!

2011-11-04T10:13:00.000-07:00

They are sucking my soul out through my eyeballs!

List of Shit I Have to Do, Part 90 seven bazillion 842 thousand seven hundred and three.5

2011-11-02T16:52:00.000-07:00

In no particular order:

Do you know it costs $40 to fix a spelling error on a Birth Certificate? I sure as hell ain’t having no kid with a mis-spelled, fucked-ass name. Not happening. Also, I just noticed there is an extra B, so I need to fix that. Then, on top of the ass-rape money the State of Nevada wants, I need to actually go to the Social Security Office in Reno to have the error fixed by the Feds. I guess the Feds figure it is punishment enough to subject people to the Reno Social Security Office, so as far as I have been able to tell, that won’t cost me anything. Other than my spiritual and anal virginity. I hate that place. I would rather be eaten by a pack of ferrets than go to the Social Security Office. I would rather be ejected in to space and instantly freeze to death while my blood simultaneously boils than go to the Social Security Office. I would rather spend time with my grandmother than go to the Social Security Office.

But, I really don’t want my kid to have a stupid name, so I have to go fik it.

I also have to send money to the ACDA – I got accepted to the Honor Choir! YAY! I’m so frickin’ excited! It’s a pay to sing, but it’s the best pay to sing ever! It’s a choir! I love choir! LOVE LOVE LOVE! I’m really excited! (In case you can’t tell from all the exclamation marks) That’s the last weekend in February. w00t! Then it’s Verdi Requiem time! Double w00t! The Bella Voce concerts are coming up, too; one after Thanksgiving and then two more the next weekend. So I have to send out invites for that. And I’m still not sure if I have that solo or not. Last time I sang it I burst out crying. That was the day that life sucked. I hate that. At least I didn’t cry at work, eh? But, to be honest, work deserved it more than the Bella Voce ladies; it was work’s fault I was stressed out in the first place. Stupid work.

Speaking of Stupid Work, I have a ton of shit to do this afternoon – I have to finish working up the small claims, I have to set the teleconferences for the S/C hearings, (Stupid small claims, eff that ess) Aside – apparently I have set up Auto Correct on this computer to change “ess" to “escrow statement.” WTF, mate? I mean, I know exactly why I did it – Project Fuck Me Up the Ass – but I had TOTALLY forgotten I did that. Acid flashback to Access HELL!!!! Anyway, S/C, T/Cs for S/Cs, evidence packets for S/Cs. Blarrrrrrrr! I hate small claims. Then I have a mess of discovery for three different cases, at least one of which is über fucked up – I THINK I already sent it, but we just got hit with a motion to compel demanding it? So confoosed.

I also have to cull cases for the brief bank and open about five cases for about five different attorneys. BUT, I would rather be slammed than bored, so it’s all good.

Then I have to go home and clean up the Halloween decorations. Halloween was really slow this year – We had three of those 18 gallon tubs of candy and they lasted until 21:00. It was pretty tame. And the weather was fantastic; it was actually quite warm until about 20:00.

Then I have to go to Hula! I am so pooped out. Autumn is my favorite time of year, but it really makes me want to curl up in bed and sleep all the time. At least there is no seasonal depression this year, thank God. I hate that shit.

I also have to plan Thanksgiving. Shit. My mother is all fraking nuts about it this year and I have no fucking idea what the hell is going on. It’s really hard to figure out how something is going to work when the person who is making all the demands is in Fucking Germany.

(BTW, Gary and I are watching Deadwood, thus the more-than-usual potty mouth. That show is unbelievably amazing, if you haven’t seen it, go buy it. You won’t be disappointed. Also, I am in love with Ian McShane.)

AND THEN, I have to plan another evening at the Eldo for Peter Pan. We had so much fun on our Hairspray date that everyone wants to go again. And it’s a Christmas show (I don’t even know how they are going to squeeze Christmas into Peter Pan, so don’t ask) so everyone wants to bring their kids. I have a tentative head-count at 26 right now. I’m not sure we can sneak that many people in, but W.S.W.W.

Let’s see, what else? Archie ate like three pounds of cat food and has had gangster diarrhea for the last couple of days. So Nasty. Poor dog.

And I had sushi with Ian, my gay husband, last night! It was teh awesome! We really lost touch over the last couple of years, but I ran in to him a few days ago and we’re making an effort to hang out. Also, our friend Nikki is preggo, so I want to be in touch with her, too. I Facebooked her out of the blue the other day and we met up. We’re getting the band back together! I don’t know why I haven’t been in touch with them more, but now I am so I guess it doesn’t matter. (Please ignore that last sentence – I’ve had coffee. I am staring to understand people who drink coffee out of necessity rather than for pleasure. I have been NEEDING caffeine to make it through the day recently. Stupid autumn! This is never a problem in Summer when there is light in the sky when I have to drag my ass out of bed.)

Oh, yeah, last night I took left over caramel apples to the Eldo gang. There was a trick or Treats competition at work, I made 50ish caramel apples and had 11 left over. Well, there is no way in hell Gary and I are going to eat 11 caramel apples, so I said Fuck it, I’ll give them to the Eldo folks. (Also, my division came in second, if you are interested.) Anyway, I was chatting with my peeps and I swear to doG, Mike (he of the random booty-call) literally ran away from me. It was amazing, I have never seen anyone move that fast.

Any way, I feel like there is one more thing I want to rant about, but I can’t remember what it is and it’s time to go home. Ciao ciao!

Big Cats

2011-10-28T22:22:00.000-07:00

Just as retarded as regular cats

List of shit I need to do

2011-10-26T23:12:00.000-07:00

Or more specifically, buy and/or pay for:

Oil change
New tires
New windshield wipers
Smaller jeans
Gary's Christmas present - he already knows I'm getting him a Judge
Erin's Christmas present - Jena and I have decided we are all going to pitch in and buy her (Erin) a Wii and Wii fit.
Mom's Christmas present - Kindle cash, or whatever it's called
Anesthesiologist bill
HOA bill
Visa Bill
Bank of Mom bill

I reserve the right to amend this list as I remember shit. I swear to doG this list is supposed to be bigger. This makes me worried. Also, I have no idea what to get Jena for Christmas.

I have the plague

2011-10-21T09:10:00.000-07:00

I really don't have time for this

10:15 - the plus side of going to the doctor for the ear plague (that what I have, I'm pretty sure - ear plague. My ears sting. Who's fucking brilliant idea was that? I want to stab myself in the ear drums) is I now know how much I weigh and DAY-um! Iz a skinny bitch! I've lost more than 30 pounds! Go me! And I don't need the fat-bitch blood pressure cuff any more, either! I'm amazballs. Goal #1 achieved! Just a little bit more to go to reach goal #2!

11:29 - Apparently "ear plague" is more commonly known as "Strep Throat." Fuck my life. AND the best part of all this is the antibiotics the crazy little asain doctor has me on - Amox, a brand name super powerful amoxicillin - is going to kill my butt and give me gangsta diarrhea! Yay! (Send cake, and yogurt)

12:06 - So, after one and a half days off work (and counting) where I could be, oh, I donno doing something productive, I can't decide if I want to give in to the lazy asshole position I now find myself in and read my book, or if I should clean the fuck out of my house OR play Shadow of the Colossus on PS3? I could clean and kill a couple Colossi during breaks. . . choices choices. . .

12:20 - I am officially revoking Gary's right to bitch at me about leaving socks in the couch. I just pulled three pairs of suspiciously Gary sized socks out of the couch and oh. . . look at that, no Lorin socks. :-P

13:36 - OK! Living room is relatively clean! I even fake dusted (I don't consider moving dust around with a feather duster to actually be dusting) On a related note, look how much more full our bookcases are now:

than they were:

13:45 - PS3 is updating. Colossi will have to wait until after the kitchen is clean to be slain.

15:23 - Hmmmm. . . might have been a wee bit mean to Kora. . .

15:38 - DIE BEAR! DIE!

16:42 - For Gary and Martha:

VEGAS!

2011-10-20T12:35:00.000-07:00

Cyber stalking is still creepy

Booty call!

2011-10-18T09:43:00.000-07:00

Holy shit! I got a booty call last night. It was awesome! After the world's worst gaddammned day ever and crying in the middle of rehearsal (BTW, thank you for all your kind words, I love you all) I went to the Eldo BBQ and had a wonderful wonderful time. Drunk people were drunk, pregnant people were squirmy (I seriously don't know how I survived pregnancy - a friend of mine is at 35 weeks and she was doing that change-positions-every-two-minutes-cause-I'm-uncomfortable-and-can't-sit-still thing. Yeah, don't miss that.). It was good times. Everyone asked where the hell Gary was. We chatted, we laughed, it got cold, I went home. I was driving away when I got this text from Mike of all people asking if I left cause I was mad at him (WTF? World-Revolves-Around-You much?). I was all like WTF, mate? And pulled over to answe in the negative.

For reals yo, I had been standing there holding my dish and my shoes and my coat for like twenty minutes. I looked like I was ready to go, I was just getting in some last minute bullshitting. Why am I so awesome that when I leave, the party stops?

Anyway, Nevada just passed a no texting while driving law, so I didn't check his reply till I got home which was, I swear to doG, "Too late to turn around :-)?"

Um, yeah. About five years too late, buddy.

SRSLY where do I find these people? Last time I spoke to Mike, the conversation went somewhere along the lines of "I hate your fucking guts you goddamned whore bitch, never speak to me again." Or something like that. Now he wants me to "turn around?" Seriously?!? SERIOUSLY!

Seriously?

2011-10-16T12:36:00.001-07:00

It gets old

2011-10-15T17:12:00.001-07:00

Remember how I daid that I was going to get shitfaced? Well. . . I was going to read all day to day because I need s break. It's been a long couple of week s and I decided I ain;t doin shot this weekend! So there

Well, I wanted to rea my book. SO I was reading and it was awesome, I read for like ow hours. (I'm reading a biography of abigail Adams. Then, so r no reason, I decded I wasnte to bake a tres leches cake. SO I wnet to the store to buy the evaporated milk and the condensed milk s and verious other items. (That shit was 53 bucks BTW, what the hell?)

Hang on, the beeper on the oven is going

ANy way, 5 more minutes. I was out in the refridgerator (Did I tell you our fridge is broken? Stupid fridge, its a SubZero 27" fridge and no other brand makes a 27 Inche fridge so if we wany to replace it we have to either tear out the whol fucking cabinent it is in o(cause it is a built in_ or buy a new SubZero - and that shit is expensive too, and we aren;t talking ni 53 dollars here. )

So. . . . I was in the fridge (not really uikn the fridge, just standing looking in the fridge) I was lookungin the fridge in the garage (whih is where GAry smokes, BTW) (the garage, nit the fridge) and I was getting butter and milk and other things and I saw that tehre is / was this bottel of Pinot Grigio, just sitting there, waiting to be opened and consumed.

Shit, wait - the oven is beeping agin - was hat 5 minutes?
It;s at 180 and it needs oto be at 200, so 5 more minutes, I love Alton Brown - I'm amazed at how fast I can type whwn I'm Drunk.

Long story longer, I drank the wine.

The End.

SO much better!

2011-10-11T14:31:00.000-07:00

I just bought a new pair of shoes:

And thank doG because I was wandering around all willie-nillie in flats and I HATE wearing flats, unless they are trainers and obviously I can’t wear trainers to work. Every other pair of heels I own is now too big – I don’t know if they stretched because they are old or if my feet are now smaller than the were before I got pregnant. But yeah. It is totally not a problem for me because I love buying new shoes.

Other than being in desperate need of new footwear and totally sleep deprived, life is really good right now. Gary qualified for FAFSA and took a years’ worth of student loans on top of getting a bitchin’ part time job. So our money troubles are literally over. We have taken care of everything (or will take care of everything with the next lump of cash in January) except the massive Visa bill and with everything else out of the way, we are clear to just focus on that (or again, rather, we will be in January). It has been such a frickin relief to not have to take a direct deposit advance to pay the power bill, oh, my GOD that was killing me. If it hadn’t been for the financial aid that Gary got, we’d be fucked right now. But, as it is, we aren’t.

We are planning on misbehaving wildly and buying Abby’s bedroom furniture in January, too.

My professional life is negatively affecting my personal life right now – I was supposed to send in an audition MP3 to the ACDA honor choir chair-people and I haven’t even had time to record it. I was due last Friday. FORTUNATLY for me, they extended the deadline to either this Friday or next Monday. I am all over that shit. I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to sing in this! So I am going to make time and try to get this all done tonight, these kind of do-overs don’t happen very often. I auditioned for the Phil, Verdi Requiem!! YAYs! I also auditioned for a solo with Bella Voce, but the conductor hasn’t assigned it yet because more people want to try for it, which is totally unfair because the date was announced and if they didn’t sing for it then, fuck them. But at the same time, I get a do-over from ACDA, I can be a big girl and deal with this.

SOOOOOO effing busy at work! That’s all I have time for, work work work! I loves my job and I’m not complaining – it’s so much better than being bored – but I need a weekend! I’ve been on PLAID for like three weeks now and I think I have about three more weeks before that starts to slow down. (I would take a nice Argyle, if I could get it.) I have to go to Lovelock tomorrow! Boo! It’s actually not so bad, I love the people out there – they bend over backwards for us.

I was supposed to have a weekend this last weekend, but Gary and I decorated for Halloween and (because we are nerds) it took all weekend (with long and extensive breaks for pancakes). But the house looks awesome – I will try to post some video soon.

Speaking of Halloween, Gary ordered our BSG dog tags, I’m so excited I could pee my pants! w00t!

A whole gaggle of us are going to Reno to see Hairspray at the Eldo this Friday. We’re going to hang in the VIP booth which is no where near as exciting as it sounds. It should be fun. We had a dinner party at my house last week and it was a blast. So yeah, good times. There will be people there who I haven’t seen in a million trillion years – I ran in to my bestest friend from college yesterday. It will be nice to go out and do something as friends.

I need to call the hospital and ask if I can kind of merge Abby’s bill with my bill so I’m not randomly getting two bills and I don’t have to worry about which one I paid or didn’t pay. I don’t see why that would be a problem for them (other than the fact that it’s a hospital and they suck by default), it just makes more sense to just have one bill, it’s being paid by the same person. Meh, we’ll see. Also, her birth certificate is misspelled – Abbigail. I know for a fact that neither of us did that. Fucking Vital Statistics. Fuck them up their stupid asses. *pout*

I think that’s all from me, I haven’t busted out any more of my teeth yet. My mom is harassing me for money (you’ll get it when you get it, bitch!). Martha is back, YAAAAAAY!!!!!1!! And that’s about it. Peace!

Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster

2011-10-09T23:54:00.000-07:00

She's asleep

Toof

2011-10-04T11:30:00.001-07:00

I'm at the dentist, waiting to get my tooth repaired. I took a bite of an apple yesterday morning and just bit mah damn tooth off. It's the lower front middlish one. That shit hurt! Thank doG we have a years' supply if OraGel (BTW - Baby OraGel tastes like bubblegum.) I cried. 1st because it's painful and 2nd because it was super upsetting - I felt mauled. I'm not super vain about my teeth, they are straight enough, but for my entire childhood we lived in a house with a well that drew water from Mars, it tasted like putting a penny in your mouth; so my teeth aren't all that beautiful. But this was upsetting! I really can't describe it other than I felt like I fucked up my identity somehow. Weird, I know. Also, I have these nasty dreams where all my teeth crumble up an fall out, so I kept waiting to wake up and it didn't happen. Fucking icky!

Anyway, the doctor filled it in and hopefully that will hold and I won't have to get a crown. You really dont notice how much you use your teeth until you have to not use just one of them

Insurance is a weird and stupid thing, I don't understand it at all, but thank doG I have it. But it's really effing confusing.

BUT, on a positive note, I have been really bitchy and pretty much ready to take everyone's head off with the slightest provocation for about a week now (but only at work), until this happened. Now I'm in a fantastic mood. Weird I guess it's kind of like, well it could be worse.

Also it's butt fuckingly cold

Happy Birfday!

2011-10-02T11:46:00.000-07:00

Does everyone like what I gave Gary for his Birthday this year?

Much better than what I gave him last year:

And I only say that because the T.V. doesn't barf on me or pull my hair

Halloween Costume WIN!!!

2011-10-01T20:33:00.001-07:00

Quicherbitchin

2011-09-30T15:02:00.000-07:00

Holy crap, a friend of mine just posted before & after pics of how much weight she lost and OH MY EFFING GOD she looks amazing. I need to step it the hell up. All she’s doing is Insanity. Maybe I should look into that. I have lost a good 30 lbs and I’m smaller than my (super fat) pre-pregnancy size. But I am still hovering between a 16 and an 18 and that is so not cool. I do feel and look a million times better, but I need to keep working; particularly now that Abby is not breastfeeding as much.

I have been biking to work and going to Hula and we cut the fast food out almost entirely. I had cut out the soda almost 100% except for the last two weeks when all I wanted was Pepsi and I think I drank two 12-packs all by myself. But we’re all out now (duh, cause I drank ‘em all!) and I got through the sugar/caffeine withdraws, so I won’t be doing that again.

I just need the motivation – I wish the work out bet was back on cause I tell you what, nothing motivates like the possibility of loosing $500! But I need to just do it my own self – like seriously, why the hell is it so hard to just do it (thanks, Nike!)? Fizz does it. Joanne (above mentioned friend) does it. I am oozing jealousy, but I’m too lazy to do anything about it. This is so stupid. I was doing just fine before I got pregnant. I just really really don’t want to go to spinning after work. I want to go home and be with my family.

This is silly – Gary has class from 5:30 – 7:00 Tuesday/Thursday, so I should go to spinning. Maybe I’ll give myself a challenge to a) do Yoga in the morning; b) bike to work and c) go to spinning. For five days next week. We’ll just see how it goes.

But it always seems like I make these plans and then they fall by the way-side. And then six months later I'm whinging about being fat. Still. Ugh, it so annoying!
P.S. My co-worker is still driving me flipping nuts

Please get a life

2011-09-28T09:53:00.000-07:00

Ok, my co-worker just pissed me off something fierce: She was going to show me yet another picture of her kid (about whom I could not possibly care less) and she says, “You never share any baby pictures. It’s kind of creepy.”

What the fucking fuck? 1st of all, I hate having to look at pictures of her kids while I need to get shit done. I’m at work, I’m here to work. I need to do a million things. I don’t WANT TO FUCKING SEE PHOTOS OF YOUR CHILD! I DON’T! WORK IS NOT THE GODDAMMED TIME OR PLACE FOR THIS! (Please ignore the fact that I am blogging from work, not the point at the mo, I’m seething pissed off right now.)

Number B, I don’t want to share pictures of my kid with you. I just don’t. I don’t particularly dig you. I don’t feel the need to validate my existence by getting oohs and aahs from YOU. I really like you as a co-worker and as a partner in legal awesomeness, but seriously, I can’t stand you otherwise. Your personal stuff drives me fucking crazy. Divorce your shit-head husband and get a life outside of your kids. Please. You are the most boring human being on the planet. I don’t care about your shit. I don’t. You are an awesome paralegal, and that is all I need from you.

And Number C, and this is what pissed me off the most, I am not fucking obligated to share photos of Abby, with you or anyone. Fuck off. Jesus, do you have any fucking personal boundaries? My kid ≠ your pet. If I don’t share photos, that is my personal choice and you need to deal with that or else you can go fuck yourself.

Also, your perfume smells terrible.

P. S. This does not apply to pictures of kidletts belonging to anyone who might be reading this rant.

Best Mea Culpa EBAR!

2011-09-23T07:12:00.000-07:00

I have a ton to update about, but I'll get to that later. Right now, I want to tell you about how friggin amazballs I am:

Phone Conversation:

Me: Hello, this is Lorin. I am calling about the hearing this morning.

Court Clerk: Aaah. . . Yes.

Me: Yes. We apologize, it appears to have been a calendaring mistake on our end. We would like to know how the Court wants us to proceed.

And so on. But note the awesomeness of my apology - classic three prong approach: 1) Apology; 2) Brief summary of error; 3) Deferential offer of amends. I am super.

No, Oh this was So-and-so's fuck up. No, The 1st order says XYZ, this is your fault. Never mind that I literally cried after the clerk put me on hold to talk, not to the special master, but the JOP himself. Never mind that part.

Just bask in the awesomeness of my ass kissing.

Welcome to “This Is Your Sunday!”

2011-09-12T15:15:00.000-07:00

As you may know, we have turned in the plates to Gary’s truck as he has not been driving it and it needs new tires and we are saving money on registration and insurance and all that fun shit. So we are down one car. Gary has been driving his mom’s truck to work, and when he needs to cart the baby around, he takes my car. I have been walking to work and don’t really need a car right now.

So we are one car down, as it were.

For what ever reason – I donno, his mom needed the truck, it was easier to just take my car, my car had more gas – it’s not important, Gary drove my car to work/school on Thursday. And, at some point – also not important – he drove over a chunk of metal and it lodged rather unceremoniously in the rear driver’s-side tire. Boo.

So now we are two cars down.

Then, at some point, Gary’s mom realised that the registration on her truck has expired and had done so in August. So Gary has been wandering around all nimbly-bimbly in an illegal vehicle.

So we are now officially car-less.

It’s cool, I can make Jena drive me when I really need to, she just got her car to pass smog and it’s all registered and running properly and shit. Also, it’s a standard so Gary’s in heaven because he loves driving a stick (donno why, just go with it). And, fortunately, Gary’s financial aid will be here. . . oh hopefully today so the car thing will sort itself out (anything will sort itself out if you throw enough money at it).

So, Sunday starts yesterday morning at 08:00 and I have a bunch of stuff to do to get ready for this BBQ Gary and I are going to at the Hula Halau. I was planning on making a peach cobbler with these great nectarines Gary and I had bought at the Farmer’s Market on Saturday. YAY! So I make the cobbler dough, I score and boil the fruit and clean up the downstairs a bit. I peel the fruit and leave it to cool. All’s well, the dough turned out REALLY good, Jena’s on her way with the car and the zucchini (stuffed zucchini! YAY!), the weather is gloomy and thunderstormy and life is good.

But when I go to slice the peaches, they just turn to moosh and fall apart. Then Jena shows up and she’s feeling like shit and can’t go. We drive to the BBQ and Gary knocks the curb outside and the fricking tire explodes!

So now there are no usable cars in my entire family.

WHAT THE FUCK! Why did the tire explode? We didn’t hit that damn hard! I have to figure it’s because the car has been sitting for a year or so and the tires are jacked. Thank doG it didn’t blow while we were driving! Fortunately, Jena has a spare (Oh, the reason my car is un-drivable is the spare is being used.) So Gary’s all, “That’s cool. I can fik it.” (For explanation of the “fik it” joke, see:

So we go in to the BBQ, we eat WAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much food, we dance, we joke, we gossip, we eat some more. Life is good. Then it’s getting on time to go home and Gary heads outside to change the tire. And we wait. And wait. And wait. So I head out side to see what the problem is and of fucking course, the tire iron is the wrong size. WTF mate? So we call Jena, Jena doesn’t have AAA, but she is nice and calls and pays for a tow truck. “Also,” she tells me, “I need to go to QuickCare, I might be having a stroke.”

F T W

So the tow truck dude comes and puts the doughnut on, I pack up the baby and away we go. We get Jena, I change out of my bitchin party dress, we hand Abs off to her grandmother and off we go again.

QuickCare was fun, bitchy nurse was bitchy; abrupt doctor was abrupt. The doctor listened to all Jena’s complaints and tells us that we need to go to the Emergency Room. YAY! (So not yay).

So off we go. Again. Carson Tahoe Hospital is turning into my home away from home. SO not cool. Jena gets interviewed by the triage nurse, gets admitted to the ER, we wait around, Jena talks to the ER PA, we wait around, PA tells us Jena is going to get a CT, we wait around, I send Gary home because it’s looking like we’re going to be stuck at the hospital, we wait around, Jena gets moved to a room, we wait around, ER nurse takes Jena’s vitals, we wait around, different ER nurse hooks Jena up to an IV, we wait around, Bitchy Burner Doctor comes in and talks at Jena, we wait around some more and then they hook her up to some migraine meds. And then we wait around a bit more, watch Sister Act (LOVE) and when the meds are done and Jena is feeling better, we leave. No CT scan, no admission to the hospital, no LP. Life is good.

By then it was about 20:45, I was friggin hungry and tired. Gary came and got us, we went to Jack in the Box (where bitchy drive-through boy was bitchy) and then FINALLY went home.

Where Abby proceeds to have a total screaming me-me.

The end.

P.S. I would like to take this opportunity to point out the fact that I spent most of yesterday in the hospital because my twit sister had a migraine. A. MIGRAINE. Think about that for a minute. What is a migraine? A bitchin headache, right? So, in the mathematical fashion, I can and will simplify – I spent all most of yesterday in the hospital because my twit sister had a HEADACHE.

P.P.S. When Bitchy Burner Doctor came in the room, I had to stop myself shouting “BURNER!” Tourettes-style when I saw his necklace:

I have been playing Burner-Buggy for about a month now and it took all my effort not to. Good thing, too – for a Burner, Bitchy Burner Doctor was way not cool.

Bad mood

2011-09-08T08:31:00.000-07:00

I have been in a wretched mood for like a week. I have no focus. Blarrrrrrrr.

No more cats

2011-09-04T10:47:00.000-07:00

Ever.

We lost Кристов; we hadn't seen him for a couple of days and I had resigned myself to the fact that he'd been struck by a car or et by an owl. I was very sad, Gary was very sad and Дэмэтриус was just a wreck, moping and crying and just being sad that his brother was gone. The Dogs were sad, too - they kept looking for him. Anyway, I pouted and tried not to cry. My mom and my sister came over on Sunday night and we had the garage door open to get things in and out of cars and from the back refrigerator. Well Gary had to get something out of his truck and all I hear is, "What the FUCK!" And there is Кристов, sitting on the seat. He goes, "Meow," jumps out like he's amazing and goes inside. I think I cussed him out for 20 minutes: I knew you were too stupid to get hit by a car. You stupid asshole. Get inside or I will chop you in to teeny tiny pieces. That kind of thing. I was so angry at his stupid ass. (I was also happy my cat was alive, but that is not the point.) Turns out, it had rained in the middle of the night on Friday and Gary had closed the back window of his truck unaware of the fact that fuck-nuts had gone in to escape the rain. He is one lucky mother fucker because Gary might not have gone into his truck for another month or so. . . we turned in the plates to that truck as Gary isn't driving it right now. So where we found a thirsty hungry but alive kitty, we might have found a dead, smelly decomposing one instead. Stupid Asshole.

Blarrrrrrrrr, crying baby. Crying Dog. Now crying cat. I think I should start crying so we have a quorum.

Und singe! Und singe!

2011-09-01T11:08:00.000-07:00

I am so tired and so sore and yet I am so happy and in such a good mood. I have no idea why. Meh, don't look a French Bus mood in the mouth.

I have been walking to work for the past couple of weeks and I really enjoy it. It's better than a cup of coffee. And last night I went to hula for the first time since Abby was born. OOOoOooOouch! It hurts. But it was fun and I'm really glad to be going back to it.

My mom is leaving today and for some reason this time I am really sad about it. She was here a bit longer than usual and she is coming back in 10 weeks, but it feels different this time. I don't know why. Maybe because she was in a much more mellow mood this time? She was even nice to Gary which was frickin scary (that rhymes!). She might have to have her Gall Bladder removed when she's back in November. But we'll see. She did piss me off when she first got here, she bitched me out for not giving her money that I owe her, but this was on the day she and my sisters came back from a two day trip to Disneyland. Um. . . Something is wrong with this picture. And we went out gambling the other night and she blew through at least $300. Damn! But anyway, she was nice for most of this trip and she loved hanging out with Abigail. It was nice to not want to murder her in the face. And she's going to Germany. I'm jealous. I want to go to Germany! *pout*

Shit, it's 07:53 - I am still feeding Abby. I'm going to be so late. My life is at the whims of a terrorist - a small, cute terrorist with a mohawk. (Dear FBI people who might be reading this: That was a joke, please don't arrest me. Love, Lorin) She started smiling. I LOVE it when she smiles! If I thought she had hypno powers before, she is a billion times better at it now that she knows our weakness is smiles. It like kryptonite. We took her to the water park last weekend and we just sat in the kiddy pool and floated in the lazy river with her and it was teh awesome. She loved it. The only reason we went to the water park was Kai and Morgan from the Eldo said they wanted to go, so we rented a cabana and went up there and . . . Oh! Guess what!? Everyone bailed. I hate that that is why I never arrange shit like that. I was pretty pissed, but I got to spend a great day with Gary, so I got over it.

Speaking of Gary, he is now the admin. assistant for his college's Financial Aid department. He starts Tuesday. Yay! Totally random, he went into interview for another job and they offered him this super secret one that they were looking for a person to fill, but weren't advertising was vacant. Just goes to show you what wearing a suit to an interview will do for you. Plus he looked sexy wexy, so that was a bonus for me :-)

We are going to a farewell lunch for someone here at the office who quite frankly gives me the creeps. I can't quite put my finger on it, but there is something wrong with this woman. Also, I think my DAGs are losing it - one of them has a sock puppet that cusses and one of them is begging me not to come to a trial because he thinks he going to cry.

Hmmmmm. . . If you were a 20-year old pregnant girl, what would you want for yourself? I have been racking my brains and I can't think what to get for this girl. I know she has a boat load of clothes and other baby stuff and I am going to buy her a mazillon hangers (it turns out that no matter how many baby hangers you have, it's never enough. This applies to grown up hangers, too) but I want to get her something for her. I feel bad for the kid, she 20, no job, no degree, lives with her mom, has had no say in her pregnancy. I feel bad. But I bearly know her. What do 20 year olds want? Meh.

I still haven't done any yoga since I hurt my back. I plan to start up again Monday.

Also, I'm very proud of myself - we have had NO money what-so-ever for the last two weeks and we probably won't have any for the next two weeks either, but we have paid all our bills AND we haven't starved to death and died because we are being highly inventive with what we have in the pantry. It's amazing what you can invent when you have no other options. Thank God I'm getting three paychecks this month. And Gary now qualifies for FAFSA so even better! I don't know why August sucked so hard core, but damn! I'll be back on top of it, financially, by October. Then I am going to get my mom the $3200 I owe her - I think I'll be able to do that by December. Then I need to pay off the hospital and I can FINALLY start to work on my $10,000 Visa bill. I hope. Everytime I think I'm starting to get a leg up, the world explodes and shit falls apart again. So I'm not really holding my breath that this will all work out.

We went and saw Transformers at the $3 movie theatre and it was not horrible. It was actually pretty darn fun. And the best part was we took Abby. And she just sat there and watched the whole thing, just stared. It was so frickin cute. Well, it was after she took the biggest poop I have ever seen in my life. I'm not usually one to talk about my kid's butt, but this was an epic shit and I feel it needs to be documented. By this point, I am used to the whole diaper thing, but OMFG! this one had to be some sort of a record, I think there was more poop than baby.

Well, that's about it from me, I hope everyone who went to DragonCon had fun. See yas

I lost my shoe

2011-08-30T08:31:00.000-07:00

Today was not a good day.

1st, I overslept. Then Abby ate for FORTY FIVE FUCKING MINUTES! I was like, "Shit, girl! I'm going to be late for work!"

Then I couldn't find my keys, I couldn't find my shoes so I had to walk to work in flip-flops. I couldn't find my wallet. I forgot my drink. I forgot my breakfast - I was going to have cake for breakfast.

*pout*

Reading list

2011-08-18T09:23:00.000-07:00

Bwcause if forgot to update until just now, I have finished the four books I mentioned a couple of weeks ago as well as Candide by Voltaire. This book is 100% inappropriate to read aloud to children; but Abby doesn't understand words and even if a kid is old enough to understand words, the context would go over their heads until they were at least 15 or so. So the book is inappropriate, but they won't know it. This is a weird thought.

Anyway, I have moved on to a biography of Abigail Adams and a book of short stories called My Misstresses' Sparrow is Dead. I've just finished The Lady with the Little Dog by Checkov. It was very, hmmmmm. . .? Sweet? Charming, but in a stoic, Russian sort of way. I don't think I've ever read such a proper little love story, but there is such passionate subtext. I loved it.

Anyway, I'm out

I will give you something to do

2011-08-17T10:37:00.000-07:00

WTF!?!? I just heard that one of our new DAGs is bitching because he doesn't have enough to do and that everything is taking too long and he has to wait on his secretary, he has to wait on Cheify Cheif, he has to wait on the researches.

Oh, wait. That would be me. I'm the researcher. I'm working on his motion.

ExCUSE me? Have ya seen the white board of "Shit Molly and Lorin Need To Do?" Have ya seen how busy we are? Did ya not notice that the inmate you are working on also has three other cases going on? Can you not see that all three cases are marked "Lorin" and that your case is third in line as the due date says September? Did you miss the part where the other cases' due dates say August 15?

You didn't give me a deadline, number A and number B, you are not obligated to use the researchers. If you think you can get it done faster on your own, go fucking do it!

And if you are bored, I can give you something to do.

7:00

2011-08-16T07:12:00.000-07:00

Ugh, I am dragging ass today. I slept in till seven, I'm just now feeding Abs, I have no idea what I'm going to wear or if I'll even have time for a shower. Which is gross. Saturday we took all the yard waste to the dump and I've done myself an injury, my lower back hurts so frickin bad right now. And yesterday. I haven't been able to do yoga since Friday. Ugh.

My first week back at work was insanely busy, I haven't had a moment to breathe and this week is shaping up to be exactly the same. There are two new DAGs and another one starting on the 22nd.

I can't even remember everything I want to blog about - I'm dying. I am going to take one of my hospital flavored Motrin 800s. If that doesn't kill the back pain, I should probably be shot. I am so pooped! Yesterday at our meeting, I wrote down, "Don't forget" and then promptly forgot what it was I needed to not forget. O_o After the meeting, Counterpart and I went round to all the DAGs to get a list of projects and the next thing I know it's 13:00 and I have to leave to take Abby to the doctor. Where the hell did THREE HOURS disappear to?

Blarrrrrrrrrr.

Then Abby got three very traumatizing shots, screamed for about five minutes, knocked herself out and slept the rest of the day.

The front yard is almost finished, just another 15 or so square feet to do. Then we need to investigate sprinkler systems and how to install them. That seems like hard work. I've never done sprinklers before and neither has Gary, so it could be a rather entertaining disaster. Not sure when that is going to happen. Somewhat funny story, the manager from the ghetto apartment complex next door left us a 24-hour mantinence notice about our branch pile. I figured that she put it on the only peice of paper she had handy and it was intended to be a note. No, she really ment it. She came over the next day all pissed off that we hadn't cleaned it up yet. What a dumb bitch. I wish she had spoken to me, I would have taken her head off. As it us, I just called her boss. I was going to be very mean, but he was nice and apologetic and helpful. Hate that. *pout* I can't be a bitch to someone who's all nice and shit.

It is now 9:15 and morale has CRASHED. Not really sure what happened, everyone is all bitchy. And I can't find what I am looking for and I have hit the, "I don't give a fuck" wall and I really don't have time for that.

10:20, in an effort to get my mind off how fucking crabby and unhelpful everyone is and to prevent thier attitude(s) getting to me, here is a very exciting list of very exciting DVD release dates:

NCIS - 8/23
NCIS: Los Angeles - 8/23
House - 8/30
Fringe - 9/6
Supernatural - 9/13
Glee - 9/13
Modern Family - 9/20
Castle - 9/20
Hawai'i Five-O - 9/20

We have a couple shows we have to catch up on: Burn Notice seasons 3&4, Breaking Bad season 3 and season 5 of Boston Legal are already on DVD, we just need to buy them. Right now we are watching a early 90s show called Earth 2, which is cheesily awesome. And Gary got the Six Feet Under box set for like 50 bucks. Sweet! And I want to get Dr. Who and Law & Order: UK. I know nothing about this L&O other than that Apollo is frakking hAwT!!

Super excting fall TV watching coming up!

15:38 - I fogot Dexter. I love that show.

Also, I am using Bob Marley to keep my spirits up. You just can't be in a bad mood while Bob is on.

Holy Jeebus!

2011-08-08T16:53:00.000-07:00

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Never leave your place of employment for two months! Gaaaaaaaaaaah! Save me!

I have not stopped for a second since 08:00! Gah! It's 16:55 and I finally had to just turn off my email. Was I this busy before? And, bonus for me, first day back and I got to work on my favorite Project Fuck Me in the Ass! Yay!

Send cake.

How I spent my summer vacation

2011-08-07T14:09:00.000-07:00

by Lorin Taylor

My summer started out kind of rough as I was in the hospital and they kept bringing me this . . . "food."

I have really enjoyed having time off work - at first I was going crazy with the lack of schedule and productivity. But I got over that pretty quickly and relaxed into the sumer swing. Now I don't want to go back to work tomorrow. *pout* But, c'est la vie.

Abby is lovely, it is a lot of work looking after a baby, I was scared as hell at the beginning, but I think I have figured out how to what needs to be done. I haven't smooshed her, I haven't broken her, I haven't lost her, I haven't put her in the microwave and I haven't let her starve to death or fly out a window. So I think I am doing OK. Ish. Plus she is super fucking cute, so that helps.

I have been having mini panic attacks, and my blood pressure is a bit high, but I think that is stress and lack of sleep. And it's actually more like freaking out that I've forgotten something than a panic attack, so . . . there it is. Donno why, but I'll get over it.

On the extreme plus side, I get to wear jeans to work all week. On the minus side - my jeans don't fit.

I do have a new food journal and a plan to do yoga every morning - I figure, Abby's got me awake an hour before I have to even think about getting ready for work, so I may as well do yoga. Then I'll just walk to work, it's less than a 10 minute walk. So why waste the gas?

I have, embarrassingly, been watching So You Think You Can Dance on Hulu. I want Sasha to win. Now I've started some British TV show called Misfits.

Um. . . what else? I've been digitalising old negatives and it is a fricking mind trip. Photos I haven't looked at in a million years, photos I have never seen before. It's weird.

And we cleaned up the front yard. It's down to dirt and it looks awesome! We're still debating about the sprinkler system and how that all is going to work, but all we need to do is till and we can put down soil and grass seed whenever we're ready.

Erm. . . that's about all from me. Ciao

I have to go back to work

2011-07-31T12:07:00.000-07:00

Next Monday (the eighth) and I am depressed as hell.

*pout*

Movies that make me cry

2011-07-27T12:03:00.000-07:00

Inspired by this.

**SPOILERS**

1. The end of Return of the King. Every time. Like a baby. Full-on, uncontrollable sobbing.

2. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, when Harry and Cedric make it back to the maze and Amos sees his dead son. Murders me.

3. Dan in Real Life, when Dan sings "Let My Love Open the Door" to Marie. I watch this movie when I'm depressed and want to wallow in depression.

4. Glee, Grilled Cheesus. Ok, not a movie, but this episode makes me cry. Pretty much the whole way through, but mostly when Kurt sings "I wanna hold your hand." Water works.

5. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2, Snape, "You have your mother's eyes." Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I love Alan Rickman.

6. Steel Magnolias, when M'Lynn looses it a the funeral. Then there's laughing. Laughing and crying is a weird feeling.

Book

2011-07-20T12:49:00.000-07:00

Today, I am going to sit down and finish this horrible book I am reading. Actually, I am re-reading it, it being the Talismans of Shannara. I'm not sure it's actually all that terrible a book on its own or if I still have a bad taste in my mouth (brain?) from Elf Queen , which was a god-awful book. Either way, I am on page 1178 of 1230 something and while I was prepared to give up the book entirely this morning, seeing as how I have only about 50 pages to go, I shall endeavor to slog through and finish the damn thing. Except I really hate it.

And it's this massive four-book edition hard-bound monstrosity that I can't read to Abby while I'm holding her. So that adds to the problem. Since she enjoys being read to while she falls asleep, I had to improvise and discovered I had, in my nightstand, a collection of C.S. Lewis' works. SO I read her A Grief Observed which is an excellent little book. Lewis wrote it when his wife died and it is truly something worth reading. I'm not sure how many of you would be interested in the ravings of a devout Christian as he struggles with faith and loss, but it has some lovely observations on God, relationships and the human condition on the whole.

As soon as I am done with the Brooks, I will finish four books I have lying around all willy-nilly and half read:

Fortissimo by William Murray. Non-fiction account of the trials of the young artists' programme at the Lyric Opera of Chicago.
The Suspicions of Mr. Whicher by Kate Summerscale. True-crime book re: a murder in Victorian England and a Scotland Yard Detective.
The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.
The Color of Magic by Sir Terry Prachett.

I think, seeing as how I am in the middle of all four books, I shall be done with these by the end of the month at which point I can move on to the massive pile of other books I need to read.

Update on my toe:

2011-07-13T21:58:00.000-07:00

Send cake

Farmers' Market

2011-07-10T11:49:00.001-07:00

We took Abby to the Farmers' Market yesterday. It's about four blocks from my house, so we walked. And I wore shoes that I had purchased about a month before Abs was born. And THEY DON'T FIT ANYMORE! I learned this the hard way, when, about halfway there, I had a huge blister on my little toe because the shoes are now WAY too big and rubbed half my foot off:

See, half my foot is missing.

My shoes don't fit, my pants don't fit, my belt doesn't fit, my panties don't fit. Blarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

July and S'Mores

2011-07-07T16:35:00.000-07:00

Hello! I have nothing exciting or remotely interesting to say! Things like:

My mouse decided to turn off the ability to right click for two days and it confused the hell out of me!

Not having a right click is fracking weird!

I tried to get Abby on my insurance and the computer won't let me!

We are watching Battlestar Galactica!

Again!

My condo has a new tenant!

The other day I sat on my bed an read a book all afternoon!

Gary, Abby and I went for a walk for like an hour and a half on Tuesday night and didn't get home till 10:30!

We went to the drive in and saw The Green Lantern and Super 8!

We made s'mores and drank the rest of the 2º Below for Independence Day!

Kai came to visit!

I took Abby to my office, the Eldo and the Halau last week!

We moved the piano from the Washoe house to our house!

It's horribly out of tune!

All my mom's crap is out of the middle room!

The End!

Also:
June 10th

(Dig my fish boxer shorts!)

July 7th

It's alive!

2011-06-25T15:02:00.001-07:00

Holy crap - sorry I fell off the face of the planet there. As you probably know, Abigail Grace was born on Sunday June 12th at one fricking thirty in the morning. All in the world I want to do at 1:30am is sleep. I will say, the drugs were verrrrrry nice - I had no idea what was going on ;-)

So hospital stay until Monday morning. Which is not at all cool because the hospital kept bringing me "food." And I was sore afraid. Except I now have a new found love for Cream of Wheat, which is delicious.

My mom arrived Sunday as well and has been here since, she's been taking care of the mess that is the Washoe House and the other mess that is my little sister. Little is sick - we don't know what the hell is wrong with her, but she is not well. So they've been galavanting all over creation to Doctors, Dermatologists, GYN's, they might have to see an Endocrinologist. Holy carp.

Abby had to be readmitted to the hospital on Wednesday the 15th as she was jaundiced. And that was no fucking fun, I will tell you right now. She had to be naked (+ diaper) under UV lights for almost 25 hours. And it was COLD in that hospital room! No one wants to be naked under creepy blue lights for a whole day in a piss ass cold room! Nuh-uh! She was not happy. And I was not happy. And the hospital tried to kill me with "food" again. I'm making light of it, but it was fucking stressful. Not happy.

Then by Monday the 20th, I had developed what is colloquially referred to as Milk Fever (if you don't know, don't ask - you'll be a happier person) and ended up back at my Doctor's office with the charming news that I might be spending the night in the hospital myself, it it got bad enough. (Fuck) So, a sonogram and a blood draw (in a butt munchingly cold office, I might add) later, I was back in bed, shivering and moaning and feeling sorry for myself.

Apparently I was not sick enough to go to the hospital (HALLELUJAH!) and was cleared for existence on Tuesday. Thank the Lord for penicillin, eh?

That is about it from me, everyone is bitchy because there aren't any more pictures. Um. . . I haven't really had time to take any pictures. I mean, I have them - I just can't be bothered to upload them and share. I'm trying to adapt to a new schedule here. And why is everyone being so bossy anyways? My kid. I'll share pictures when I'm good and ready. :-P

Other than me not eating anything (srsly NOT hungry AT ALL. Even when I am hungry, I only eat about three bites and I am full) and Abs eating EVERYTHING, life is pretty damn boring around here. I need to get motivated to do some housey stuff - the yards need to be weeded REALLY BADLY!!!!! GAH!!!

Oh, and our daughter is a super hero (or villain, too young to have an allegiance yet. I mean for reals, all she does is eat, poop and sleep - I guess you could classify her as chaotic neutral) - she has hypno powers. Gary and I cannot stop staring at her. She is so fricking cute! I have wasted most of my week just looking at her while she sleeps. Normally, this behavior would be considered creepy, but she is my daughter and I think I get a free pass. She is just so damn pretty! And soft! And she smells good. And I'm a big big dork.

Anyways. . . I think I might not have to make this a private blog, Dingdong has not graced me with her presence for a couple of weeks now, she might have gotten bored.

I would share more, but y'all are perfectly capable of watching So You Think You Can Dance on Hulu all on your own, and as that is about the most exciting thing that is going on in my life right now, I'll catch yous laters!

Hey guess what!?!?

2011-06-14T17:26:00.000-07:00

I'm think of making this blog private. Thoughts?

Oh Noooos!

2011-06-10T15:26:00.000-07:00

I missed an opportunity to mock Vegas! Got a visit on June 7th! Yay!

Oh, and Vegas, in case you are wondering - yes he did stop blogging because of you. Because cyber-stalking is creepy.

Yes, I am continuing the random thoughts blog from yesterday

2011-06-08T10:46:00.000-07:00

Because it's my blog and I can. And because I need to do something to motivate myself to finish typing up this fee schedule before noon.
And because that was the third emergency vehicle to pass by the office at high speed with lights and sirens blaring.
So. . . Fee schedule. Before noon. Ready GO! (Not that it's due before noon, it's just that I will be the world's lamest slacker if I don't finish it in an hour and 10 minutes. I mean come on, it's a fee schedule.)

12:51 - success at finishing fee schedule by noon, success in merging it with what Cheify Cheif sent me at noon:16. Now I'm debating whether or not to go home for lunch or stay here and eat Mac'n'Cheez. Choices, choices. . .

1:30 - Mac and cheese was delicious, but not what I wanted. I don't know what I want to eat, there are leftovers at home, but I'm way too lazy to go home and get them.

3:29 - you know how sometimes you're all like, come on day! Hurry the fuck up so I can go home! Yeah, not today. Today has been all, d00d! Slow the fuck down! I gots shit ta do!

4:48 - I want brownies. And I can't get ahold of Gary. I fear he may have been abducted by aliens, or arrested by the CIA, or conscripted by pirates. Which sucks. Because then I will have to procure my own brownies. And who's going to go with me to the farmers' market in Saturday? Hmmmmmm? Didn't think of that now, did you Aliens/CIA/Pirates?

5:12 - found Gary, then it took me 10 minutes to walk out to my car. Blarrrrrrrr. Then as I was heading to the grocery store to get brownie mix, TWO different cars stopped at an intersection where I had a stop sign, but they did not. Their stupidity must have rubbed off on me because I turned down the wrong street to get to the store. WTF? The the cart boy stepped out in front of me. I really really deserve these brownies.

Good Lord

2011-06-07T13:39:00.000-07:00

I am about that tired.

2:04 - but on the plus side, the sun is shining and it's more than 36 degrees outside. I was beginning to despair of summer. . .

4:21 - but on the minus side, I am having some sort of bitchin olfactory hallucinations - I keep smelling my sister's perfume that exploded on my hands THREE WEEKS AGO! Nothing I am wearing smells like the perfume, nothing smells like the perfume at all, but I can still fucking smell it. It's making me crazy(er)!!!

8:17 - but on the plus side, Shepherd's Pie is in the oven.

8:18 - but on the minus side HURRY THE FUCK UP, PIE! I'm HUNGRY!!!!

VEGAS STALKER!!!!!

2011-06-06T18:45:00.001-07:00

I missed you!!!!

Ewwwwww!

2011-06-06T16:01:00.000-07:00

At my place of employment, there is a small lounge adjacent to the bathroom. People use the lounge for break time, personal calls, hiding from co-workers, etc. This afternoon, after an accidental headesk that brought me round from what I assume was a lovely micro-nap, I went to the lounge for a lay-down. I had a nice nap. At about 3:15 I woke up, not because of my alarm, but because people started coming in and using the facilities. A lot. One right after the other. And it didn't stop.

And I'd say a good 55% of them did not wash their hands afterwards.

Please remind me not to shake hands or accept food from ANYBODY in this office.

Am srsly grossed out right now.

I just ran into the refrigerator door, in case you were wondering what that noise was. . .

2011-05-30T12:28:00.001-07:00

BBQ and Babyshower was a blast - the weather did not cooperate and like I said, half my workplace was sick. But we still had fun. And cake. AND! Thanks to some bitchin gift cards, we do not have to actually pay for the stroller. YAYs!

Now I have to write thank you notes and personally I would rather throw myself in front of a train. I hate writing thank you notes. A LOT.

Also, it's been snowing.

And cold.

And windy.

And stuff.

Full on panic mode. . .

2011-05-23T11:46:00.000-07:00

about this babyshower and BBQ - 1st of all, we have all the food IN THE WORLD at my house. For reals, if you wonder why your grocery store is empty today, it's because it has all been teleported to my house. They went full on bat shit crazy with the food. 2nd, everyone in my division is dropping like flies - half of the people are out sick today so now I don't know how many people are coming.

I'm freaking out, man!

Mercy

2011-05-20T12:52:00.000-07:00

Good lord in heaven, you go to church for two weeks and all hell breaks loose. I just fond out that the reason I haven't got any rent money this month is becuase the tenant didn't pay and they are evicting her. Fuck. Well that was $500 I had to pull out of my butt - thank god Wells Fargo let's me do direct deposit advances. I can make it work, but it's gonna be ugly. I need to find a way to short sell that condo ASAP. Blarrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Maybe I'll luck out and the rapture really will happen tomorrow

Spamity spam?

2011-05-17T12:24:00.000-07:00

Did I miss something? Darcia used her MOD voice. . . Hmmmmmmmm? Confoozed

EDIT: Nevermind, I read the previous page and figured it out all by myself. Lame.

Warning: really bitchy post ahead

2011-05-13T15:17:00.000-07:00

People just need to stop and think before they say things. I am grouchy as hell and I (for some reason) don’t want to hear, “I can’t believe how close you are!”

That’s nice.

I don’t care.

Please stop talking to me.

And then I get stuff like, “Well, if I can’t believe it, I can’t imagine how it feels for you!” (What is this, a Disney movie? Fuck off.)
“Crappy, is the first word that comes to mind.”
“*GASP!* What do you mean crappy?!?”

What the hell do you think I mean? I mean I feel like crap. It’s pretty self explanatory. I don’t know who these women are who say they looooooooved being pregnant and it was the best and rainbows and fucking unicorns. Yeah fucking right. These women are either delusional or have completely forgotten everything for a 40-week span of their lives. This is not fun, or wonderful or amazing*. This sucks. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something.

And people who talk to unborn babies are fucking retarded. “Oooh! What does Abigail want for lunch?” Who the fuck cares what Abigail wants for lunch? Abigail, to everyone who is not me (and maybe Gary, but mostly me) is a fucking abstract concept who gets no fucking say in any decisions what-so-ever. Abigail, by the way, has no fucking taste buds. She doesn’t “care” what’s for lunch. You know why? BECAUSE SHE’S NOT FUCKING BORN YET. Assholes.

You know how Abigail spends her day? DOING FUCK ALL! And good for her. Color me jealous.

God bless it, I feel like everyone around me has gone completely fucking stupid. OR, in the alternative, they have forgotten that I am a person and somehow I have become this Abigail-holding container. Hello? I’m still here. I still have shit to do. Abigail is not running the 83 reports that prove our case. I am. I am not a breeding sow, I just happen to be knocked-up. Why are you so fucking enamored of something that is not here yet? When she’s here, you can talk to her and ask her what she wants for lunch. Until then, it’s insulting. And it makes you look like a moron.

AND! (Because I can) I hate the, “Oh, you’re going to do XYZ!” Am I now? I am going to love my husband less, am I? I’m going to start eating kids snacks, am I? I’m going to smell like barf and pee all the time? Really? Because you do? You assume that because you like to eat your kids’ Teddy Grahams that I will? You assume that because you hate your husband I will? You presumptuous little twats. What the hell? You don’t know me. And yes, I understand that there are certain things that all mothers end up doing (I can’t think of any off the top of my head) but really, popping out a kid does not doom one to crappy style, crappy sex, crappy marriage, crappy diet, crappy life-in-general of letting yourself go, sitting on the couch in your PJs eating Hagen Daas and watching Days of Our Lives. Yes, lots of mothers fall into that, but lots and lots don’t and to assume that I will because it makes you feel better that you did makes you a cunt. End of story. Who are these women? Were they always this lame? Was their goal in life always to be wretched and miserable mothers? Can’t I be a happy, healthy mother who goes to work, goes to the gym, goes to Hula, takes walks with the dogs and loves her hubby and (OH MY GOD! What a concept) her baby? AND (even scarier) herself? Seriously, who adheres to this notion that as soon as you’re a mom you have to hide away behind the curtains and watch life go by? Where do these women come from? This attitude is the reason that people like me say, I am never having kids, motherhood ruins your life. Because that is what you are supposed to turn into. Fuck that. I’m not gonna. Can’t make me. BECAUSE THAT IS NOT WHO I AM. Sorry. Oh wait, no. I’m not.

And lastly – FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! Stop showing me your 2nd grader’s homework. Because I really really really don’t care. I told someone a couple of months ago that once this kid is here, I’m not going to talk about her at work. She laughed at me and said, yeah right. But it’s true. I don’t talk about my personal life at work EVER. I think I can count on one hand the number of times I have chatted about my life with my co-workers. Because they are my co-workers. They are not my friends. I have one girl here I would consider to be even close to my friend, but the rest are colleagues. And that’s the way (uh-huh, uh-huh) I like it. This is work time, not show and tell. And I wish people would remember that.

If I have offended anyone with my ranting, too bad.

*Ok, in a less bitchy moment, I might concede this is pretty amazing. But in a whole, grand scheme of things sort of way, not in an I feel amazing sort of way. But don’t tell these imbeciles I said that.

FRAPE!

2011-05-08T09:40:00.000-07:00

Hahahaha! My family is so nice

It's not the best frape ever, it's just hysterical because it's my sister. :-)

Hey!

2011-05-06T23:46:00.000-07:00

Nobody told me Hawkeye was in this movie! Bitchin!

Breeeeeeeeeathe

2011-05-04T17:41:00.000-07:00

Remember how I said that work was about to explode and you guys would never ever hear from me ever again? Yeah, that’s pretty much what happened. Right now, I just need to sit here and decompress. There is a pile of crap for me to do and after having just finished 74 similar piles of crap, I just really really don’t feel like starting on this one. The funny thing is – it is literally the last pile of crap in the mountain of crap that I have been working on for the last however-the-fuck many days this crap marathon has been going on. I literally just ran out of steam. About 1:48. Send cake.

There is a pipe and drum corps playing across the street. Why is my life so damn interesting?

On the home front, we are thisclose! to finishing the back yard! All we need to do is replace a light fixture

(Holy SHIT! That is Ugly!), purchase of a table set and umbrella and lay some more mulch. Then our backyard of sadness will officially be teh awesome! It even smells good because the grass and weed killer we use is organic and pet friendly and is basically aerosol-ized cinnamon. It’s delicious (smelling, I didn’t taste it – I’m just on a Super Troopers Kick right now).

Also, the dude who owns the apartment complex next door has wanted to buy our house for years and years (I’ve told him like seven times, “$500,000 and it’s yours, man.” I think he thinks I’m kidding). Anyway, Gary goes to class with someone who lives in that complex and apparently owner dude had a complete and utter breakdown when we started to clean up the yards. He is either under the impression that we are getting ready to sell and is pissed that that house is not on the market yet; or he thinks we just bought the house and moved in and is pissed that he didn’t get a chance to buy it. Not sure which? The later doesn’t make any fucking sense because we’ve had the same cars for years and years. BUT, if he asks about it, I am totally going to fuck with him – “We just moved in – fixing the place up.”
Yeah, total mental breakdown, apparently. WTF, mate?

I’ll post a video when all the finishing touches are finished – too much to explain to leave it to photos.

Now there is gunfire from across the street? Pipes, Drums, Rifles?

We also had a bitchin trip to Sacramento and IKEA. So much fun. Sandra bought us bookcases for the living room.

AAAAAAAAAH! It's a whole wall full of bookcases! YAY!!!! I LOVE IT! Now I just need some more damn books. . . Oh darn!

Normally I would be opposed to anyone buying me stuff because my wretched grandmother liked to use purchases to blackmail us kids. But whatever, I’m down with this because what is supposed to be the linen closet has been filled with boxes of books since we moved up here in 2008. SO we have no storage, so Sandra has no storage. So all our various schtuffs have been sitting in a pile on in a closet and in massive hills in the middle- / soon to be nursery- room. And now the vast majority of it is put up on shelves where it belongs. Yay! This helps everyone.

And, because IKEA is evil, we (I) have decided that the nursery shall now look like THIS:

(except no pink, just Green. And no creepy black wall) I’m super excited (read: nerdy)!

So there

2011-05-03T09:13:00.000-07:00

Feeling smugly superior to learn that the patronizing MLK quote flying around Facebook is fake.

Uh oh!

2011-05-02T17:20:00.000-07:00

Vegas stalker visited. OoOOoOoO0OoO0)0ooooOoh!

Wondering

2011-04-20T21:48:00.000-07:00

I'm wondering how long I can sit here and moan pathetically before someone comes by and shoots me. They shoot horses. Me, I just sit here and moan.